Tag Archives: joke

Fairies

40 years of marriage ….

A married
couple in their early 60’s were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic
little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet
beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being loving to each other for
all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around
the world with my darling husband.’

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her
hands.

The husband thought for a moment:
‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I’m
sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
years younger than me.’
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed,
but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and
poof!…
The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:
Men who
are ungrateful bastards should remember
fairies are female …..

For any WOMAN WHO NEEDS
A GOOD LAUGH ..
AND TO ANY
MAN WHO CAN
HANDLE IT!

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Time for a break:

Avocados…

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, “They had avocados.”

If you’re a woman, I’m sure you’re going back to read the above once again! Men will get it the first time.

THE END IS NEAR:

Daily Post: Whoa! by Michelle W.

What’s the most surreal experience you’ve ever had?

Since I haven’t something personal for the daily prompt today I’d like to share the following joke that was sent by a friend by e-mail which sort of fits:

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish in western Newfoundland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.

One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says:

“THE END IS NEAR.

TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW

BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.”

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,

“Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don’t need your lectures.”

From around the next curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.

Shaking his head, Father Patrick says “Dat’s da terd one dis mornin’.”

“Yaa,” Sean agrees, then adds, “Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say

“BRIDGE CLOSED”?

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/whoa/

Daily Prompt: Simplicity

Repeating a joke I wrote about in ‘Enduring Threads:’

Angus, my ten years younger brother, amused us regularly. When he said his prayers, instead of saying ‘For Christ’s sake, Amen.’ Angus would say, ‘For Christ’s sake come in!’ As siblings we found this very funny and never corrected him.

Thanks to Michelle W. for the prompt of telling a joke.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/ha-ha-ha/

 

Divorce Vs Murder:

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up

to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I

would like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy!

I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the

law? I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All

kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have

any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her

husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “You didn’t tell

me you had a prescription.”

As I can never remember jokes, i have passed on one that a friend sent recently by e-mail. Hope you enjoy it.

Daily Prompt: Ha, Ha, Ha by Michelle W.

Tell us a joke!  Knock- knock joke, long story with an unexpected punchline, a great zinger– all jokes are welcome.                                                  https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/ha-ha-ha/

 

 

Pondering thoughts:

Yesterday we went to our dentist, a bit of a hike, but worth having such a reliable man on the job. It gives me an opportunity to check out the magazines, and yes, I found a recipe for you:

Cherry, Halloumi and Lentil salad.

I shall simplify it and let you use a tin of lentils.                                                                              Mix:                                                                                                                                                            3 Tbsp. virgin olive oil                                                                                                                          1 Tbsp. white wine vinegar                                                                                                                 ½ teaspoon Dion mustard

and let lentils marinate in this mixture.

 

225 g. Halloumi cheese, cut lengthwise into thick slices.

Cook the cheese to brown.

150g. Cherries pitted and halved.

1 Tbsp. chopped mint

½ red onion sliced finely

Wild rocket

Extra virgin olive oil to drizzle over the top.

If you don’t have cherries any juicy fruit could be added, like white nectarine, peach, or mango or fresh sweet ripe pear.

 

On the way home, my recent post came to mind where I wrote about our friend dying. Tony, nicknamed ‘Bopper Boy’, (as he always played the latest music and loved his trendy car), appeared. Well, a sleek, swanky American left hand drive car drove up behind us, (that he would have loved). Chris said,

‘Looks like Bopper Boy’s behind us!’

By the time it passed us, I had no time to take a photo, as my phone has a code to be typed in etc. We were both amazed to see his initials on the number plate, ‘TB 1968.’ What a strange coincidence!

So to fill his character out a little more, I’d like to share his last e-mail with you, which shows his quirky sense of humour. His spirit will live on in our lives:

Tony B.

Tony B.

Chilli

A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow.
He sits in the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded,
staring blankly at a bowl of chili

After ten minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry
bloke bravely asks.

“If you aren’t going to eat that, mind if I do?”

The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says.

“Nah, ye can gae ahead.”

Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to
his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili
back into the bowl.

The old Jock says. “Aye, that’s as far as I got too.”

Hell of a day? Beat this!

A friend sent this e-mail today, and for those of you who are feeling down, I hope this might make you smile!
Hell of a Day
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making
biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

“Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see
a man crying.”

“This is the worst day of my life,” I say.
“I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When
I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any
insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another
man… and then my dog bit me.”

“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a
drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then
you show up and drink the whole damn thing!
“But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?”