Tag Archives: editing

Re-write: ‘Milly, Molly and Mary’

Having received my two manuscripts back from the editor, I quickly did some changes to this children’s story below. I hope you like the changes.

Millie, Molly and Mary Barbara Pyett © 2014

3/4

Millie, Molly and Mary, are three chooks who live at a dairy.

They cluck for some corn, as cows moo with a yawn.

Cats meow in the sun, as dogs bark for fun.

Millie is dainty, her comb is quite painty,

Molly is plump and feels like a frump,

Mary’s feathers are sleek, but she’s rather meek.

5/6

One night, they roost, sound asleep on the Ute,

expecting to be there ‘till morning.

That night Farmer Brown drives into the town.

To his great surprise, his mates soon advise

And point to the chooks on his fender.

No time for a bender, a change of agenda.

Instead, he drives home to Brenda.

7/8

When the cock gives a crow, they belatedly know,

Their night ride can’t hide,

their feathers askew, it had to accrue

to censure their own misadventure.

They hop off the Ute; Farmer Brown gives a hoot,

and concedes the chooks need a feed,

before milking his cows that are waiting by now.

9/10

Next night as they sleep, a slinky fox creeps.

The dog makes a growl; the cat gives a yowl.

Farmer Brown wakes from sleep, leaves his bed with a leap.

Scares the fox from the barn that runs far from the farm.

11/12

Another night, they huddle in fright.

Thunder and light make them want to take flight.

Drumming hail sees them pale as they shake on the bale.

Eggs scarce for a while, warrants no smile.

13/14

The cows moo outside with nowhere to hide.

Cats yowl in the house and hide with the mouse.

Dogs growl in the shed, wait to be fed.

15/16

Peace reins on the farm, hens cluck in the barn,

Lay eggs, one, two and three for farmer Brown’s tea.

They cluck for some corn, as cows moo with a yawn.

Cats meow in the sun as dogs bark for fun.

No longer wary, they visit the dairy.

No longer flappy, they are so happy.

Farmer Brown appears with a smile ear to ear,

his grin doesn’t vary when he spies Millie, Molly and Mary.

 

Whether there will more more changes, who knows? I am now absorbed in ‘Enduring Threads’ and loving having the opportunity of seeing it with fresh eyes. Thanks to Sophia Barnes for her patience and expertise, it was well worth while having a professional editor go through and see the story with a detached perspective.

 

 

 

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Rewriting and resorting:

Camellia 'Donation' little bruised after rainstorm

Camellia ‘Donation’
little bruised after rainstorm

Today I have been attempting to rewrite part of my memoir. Maggie Wilson, our blogging friend, kindly read my memoir, ‘Enduring Threads.’ One of her suggestions was that it might be better in two stories. This idea has given me the impetus to at least try a few things out. It sounds a lot easier than it proves to be! I have begun the childhood section removing insertions of later life. It is like playing with a jigsaw, trying to find the perfect fit. I never was quick with jigsaws, so this will set me a long winter task. I wish to include it in the WP Writing 201 program. Since I didn’t do the first program, I hope I haven’t bitten off more than I can chew.

End of 2013

Having heard from my brother, Graeme, that my last chapter ‘needs some work’, I reread it and agree with him. It has since had major changes, and I feel happier with it.  I don’t think I’ll post it again, as the general theme remains, though better organized.

2014 approaches with more challenges. Christopher is considering supporting the weavers re-work his Dunkeld paintings into a large tapestry. The Australian Tapestry Workshop has yet to confirm the details. The original tapestry, that can be seen on Chris’ website, was burnt in the fire of the Conference Centre at Dunkeld, Victoria, late this year.  It was a magnificent tapestry and to re-weave it is quite daunting. It depicted skies and was woven to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the Royal Mail Hotel.

 

Here is a photo of us taken in our garden by Susan Gordon-Brown when she came to take photos of Chris’ paintings.

Image