Tag Archives: computer

Teenager wants a car:

My computer has been in hospital getting updated and refreshed. Being without it for several days made me realise how many things I’ve let go about the house. Since the return of the computer I’ve been reading blogs, so no time to write tonight. I shall post this lovely story a friend sent:

Teenager wants a car.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his
as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up
from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair
Then we’ll talk about the car.”
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the
and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you’ve brought your grades
and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible,
but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.”

The boy said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve
noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the
Baptist had long hair,
Moses had long hair, and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had

(You’re going to love the Dad’s reply!)

“Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?”

Australian Computer Terminology: Getting ready for Broadband in the bush

As I have a very love/hate affair with my computer, I related to this e-mail, I hope you enjoy it too!  Broadband was a project started by our last government, to enable fast communication, it has since been cancelled for an inferior model that favours city people. I guess someone in the outback, tongue in cheek wrote the following:
LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter

LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.

DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.

HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.

WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather’s cold.

SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season..

BYTE: What mozzies do

MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.

CHIP: A pub snack.

MICROCHIP: What’s left in the bag after you’ve eaten the chips.

MODEM: What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.

HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks – from K-Mart.

MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

WEB: What spiders make.

WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the veranda.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won’t go.

CURSOR: What you say when the ute won’t go.

YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren’t strong enough.