Category Archives: Humour

Statistics and how you look at them:

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello
Believe it or not, this gives you one of the best explanations of unemployment.
Works in Australia too.

image0011
COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 7.8%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that’s 14.7%.

COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%.

ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 7.8% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 14.7%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 14.7% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 7.8%.

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 7.8% or 14.7%?

ABBOTT: 7.8% are unemployed. 14.7% are out of work.

COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, Congress said you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss his point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how it gets to 7.8%. Otherwise it would be 14.7%.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an Economist.

COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a Politician.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/isnt-your-face-red/

Facebook:

This is another e-mail I felt had to be shared, hope you enjoy it!

PRESENTLY, I AM TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF FACEBOOK WHILST APPLYING THE SAME PRINCIPLES.

THEREFORE, EVERY DAY I GO DOWN THE STREET AND TELL THE PASSERSBY WHAT I HAVE EATEN, HOW I FEEL, WHAT I HAVE DONE THE NIGHT BEFORE, AND WHAT I
WILL DO AFTER.

I GIVE THEM PICTURES OF MY WIFE, MY DAUGHTER, MY DOG AND ME GARDENING AND SPENDING TIME IN MY POOL.

I ALSO LISTEN TO THEIR CONVERSATIONS AND I TELL THEM I LOVE THEM………

AND IT WORKS. I ALREADY HAVE 3 PERSONS FOLLOWING ME :

 

2 POLICE OFFICERS AND A PSYCHIATRIST.

=

Fairies

40 years of marriage ….

A married
couple in their early 60’s were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic
little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet
beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being loving to each other for
all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around
the world with my darling husband.’

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her
hands.

The husband thought for a moment:
‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I’m
sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
years younger than me.’
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed,
but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and
poof!…
The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:
Men who
are ungrateful bastards should remember
fairies are female …..

For any WOMAN WHO NEEDS
A GOOD LAUGH ..
AND TO ANY
MAN WHO CAN
HANDLE IT!

Teenager wants a car:

My computer has been in hospital getting updated and refreshed. Being without it for several days made me realise how many things I’ve let go about the house. Since the return of the computer I’ve been reading blogs, so no time to write tonight. I shall post this lovely story a friend sent:

Teenager wants a car.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his
father
as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up
from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair
cut.
Then we’ll talk about the car.”
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the
offer
and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you’ve brought your grades
up
and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible,
but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.”

The boy said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve
noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the
Baptist had long hair,
Moses had long hair, and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had
long
hair.”

(You’re going to love the Dad’s reply!)

“Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?”

What love means to 4-8 year old children:

Friends send e-mails and I feel it’s good to share them, if they are worthy. You may have seen this before, but if you haven’t, slow down for three minutes to read this, it is worth it.        Touching words from the mouths of babes..

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds ,

‘What does love mean?’
The answers they got were broader, deeper,
and more profound than anyone could have ever imagined!                                                        See what you think:
‘When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’

Rebecca- age 8

‘When someone loves you , the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’

Billy – age 4

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne
and they go out and smell each other.’

Karl – age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
without making them give you any of theirs.’

Chrissy – age 6

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’

Terri –
age 4

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.’

Danny – age 7

‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing , you
still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss.’

Emily – age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and just listen.’

Bobby – age 7
(Wow!)

‘If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate. ‘

Nikka – age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka’s on
this planet)

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’

Noelle
– age 7

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well.’

Tommy – age 6

‘During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the
people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’

Cindy – age 8

‘My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’

Clare – age 6

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’

Elaine-age 5

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and
still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’

Chris – age 7

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him
alone all day.’

Mary Ann – age 4

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes
and has to go out and buy new ones.’

Lauren – age 4
‘When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little
stars come out of you.’ (what an image)

Karen – age 7

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think
it’s gross..’

Mark – age 6

‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it.
But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’

Jessica – age 8

And the final one:

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry , the
little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard , climbed onto his
lap , and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour , the little boy said ,                      ‘Nothing , I just helped him cry’
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