Warning Signs Of Dating Abuse:

holsteemanifesto

Spring -cleaning was recommended for blog users, and I began to take that advice. In deleting some tag words and pressing trash I lost the whole post that I thought was a useful one….        I shall try to be more circumspect in choosing my tag words from now on.

Since there are many people searching for a partner, or have children that are, I shall attempt to replicate my previous post. Even if it helps just one person; avoiding a partner with behaviours that will put them at risk and cause unhappiness; it will have done its job.

‘Preventing Abuse in Relationships’ was a program put together by the Domestic Violence Resource Centre, Queensland, Australia, 1990; and used at The Woden School where I taught intellectually challenged students in the 1990s. As a young person, I felt would have benefitted from this information.

Warning Signs of Dating Abuse:

Intrusion:

  • Wants to know of her every move
  • Constantly checks up on her whereabouts
  • Is distrustful and suspicious of her explanations

Isolation:

  • Cuts her off from friends
  • Does not allow any independence

Possessiveness and Jealousy:

  • Manipulates and controls her through jealousy
  • Holds unfounded and out-of-proportion suspicions
  • Holds a sense of ownership
  • Abuses her for talking with other males
  • Blames her for his anger

Aggression:

  • Cannot hold angry feelings
  • Verbally aggressive
  • Fascinated with weapons
  • Is physically aggressive
  • Has abused other women

Controlling & Manipulative:

  • Refuses to allow her to make her own decisions
  • Coerces, threatens or forces her to do things against her will

Mysogyny  (The hatred of women):

  • Makes sexist remarks and denigrating comments about women
  • Holds a belief system that men are superior
  • Has friends who are violent or who demean women
  • Submits to the macho culture

Verbally Demeaning:

  • Puts her down
  • Calls her names, e.g. stupid, whore, etc.

Excessive Interest In Pornography:

  • Likely to hold low opinions of women
  • May view women as sexual objects
  • May believe women like to be treated roughly
  • Is more likely to be sexually abusive

Sexually Abusive:

  • Engages in sex that is hurtful, demeaning, unpleasant, coerced, pressured, forced

Alcohol & Drug Use:

  • Can contribute to the frequency and severity of abusive behaviour

Childhood Violence:

  • He may be prone to abusive behavior if he comes from a family where there was violence
  • If the woman has such a background, she may believe she deserves to be mistreated and is therefore vulnerable to abuse

Adapted from ‘Shattering the Silence’ – Newsletter of Domestic Violence Resource Centre, Feb/March 1990

 

 

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